Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
