Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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