Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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