he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
