i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
