Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
