Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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