it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
