I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
