and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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