Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
