When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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