I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
