i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
