i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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