I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
