I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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