I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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