I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this will be a night to untag.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
