I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
