Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
