If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize