soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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