sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
