you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
