im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
