its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We are all done wearing pants today
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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