the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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