I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
