I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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