the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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