in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
