So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
