she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
