Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
