I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Come share oat with me in your robe
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
