I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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