Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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