We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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