pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
