I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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