How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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