what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
