swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
