Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
