Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
