3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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