i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
