i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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