at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
