And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
