At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
