what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
