I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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