True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's get the cat blown out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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