it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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