UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize