I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
