farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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