I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
