I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
