you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
