I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
