I cannot find my penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I deserve this hangover.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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