The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize