Umm I'm too high to move.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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