What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
