There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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