Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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